Q:Why did the blonde throw bread crumbs into the toilet? A:To feed the toilet duck Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear? A: Thanks for the refill Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? A: Air bubbles Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? A: An air mattress Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An Air Bag Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air Q:What do you call 10 blondes standing in a row? A:A wind tunnel. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader Q: What's a blondes favorite rock group? A: Air Supply Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station? A: The Air Pump Q: What does Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: Space. The final frontier Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A: Blow in her ear Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A: Shine a torch in her ears Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy? A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours? A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A: It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads Q: How do you drown a blond? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool A2: Don't tell her to swallow A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ? A: Tell them a joke on Friday night Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't They're born that way Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the white out Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once Q: Why do blondes write TGIF in the bottom of their shoes? A: To remind them - Toes Go In First Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A1: They can't remember the number A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the 11 in 911 Q: Why don't blondes eat Jell-O? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces themselves A2: Walks home Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: What s a lightbulb? A2: One She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her A3: Two One to hold the Diet Pepsi and one to call "Daaady" Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A1: The dumb blonde - because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager Q: What do you call a smart blond? A1: A golden retriever Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? A: The back of her head Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? Q: What's the Blonde's cheer? A: "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B-L-O-N - ah, oh well. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea" Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? A: I don't know (Neither did she) Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said DON'T WALK Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: Oh look - Donut seeds Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? A: Grade 4 Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" A: The pig says - I won her in a raffle Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: Six please. I could never eat twelve pieces Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to piss in the corner Q: How do you confuse her even more? A: Ask her where she peed Q: How does a blond spell farm? A: E - I - E - I - O Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run like Hell - she-s got a hand grenade in her mouth Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said concentrate Q: Why did the blonde cook a chicken for three and a half days? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125 Q: Why did the blonde put her finger of top of the nail when she was hammering? A: The noise gave her a headache. Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house Q: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart? A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any Q:: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel Q: What's brown and red and black and blue? A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes Q: How does the blonde car pool work? A: They all meet at work at 7:45 Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds? A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea? A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood infront of the mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? A: She didn't know what ONE came first Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it good for up to 20 pounds Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it A2: Because they can't spell PORSCHE! Q: How are blondes and turtles alike? A: When they are on there backs there SCREWED! Q: How do you turn a blonde into a brunette? A: Stand her on her head and spred her legs A bunch of blondes were driving to Disneyland. They're almost there when they see a sign that says "Disneyland Left" So they turned around and went home. Q: What do you call a blond with two brain cells? A: Pegnant Q: What does a blonde use as protection when having sex? A: A bus shelter. Q: What does a blonde say after having sex? A: So which football team do all you guys play for? Q: How does a blonde turn the light on after having sex? A: She kicks the car door open. Q: Why are blondes like spaghetti? A: They both squirm when you eat them Q: Why are all blond jokes one liners? A: So men can get them too Q: What is the difference bettwen a pregnant blonde and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb. One blond was in a cornfield rowing a boat. Another blonde came up and said "It's blondes like you that give us a bad name and if I could swim I'd come out there and kick your butt" Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? A: The joystick is wet. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer." Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers? Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ? A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too. Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass? A: A brain tumor. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down? A: Two brunettes. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally. Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs? A: Because that's what they train for all their lives. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper? A: So she could lip read. Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Neither could the blondes. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out. Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip? A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay). Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....? A: A blond doing cartwheels. Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort. Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common? A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one. Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige? A: Lipstick on the cucumbers! Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common? A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? A: About 2 cans of hair spray Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A: Pick them up off the floor. Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? A1: The Blonde! A2: The other guys waiting their turn. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'? A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.' Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an F in sex. Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers? A: They can't keep their calves together! Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?" Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A: Because she blows the horn! Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Because everybody gets a turn. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? A: Because she's been laid all over the country. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A: She kept having affairs with men! Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10? A: She picks up her purse and goes home. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod... Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter". Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman? A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A: Locking the car door. Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test? A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe. Q: What is the differance between a blonde and the Titantic? A: We know how many men went down on the Titantic. Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Throw her mirror out the window. Q: What does a blonde and a computer have in common? A: You don't appreciate either one, till they go down on you. Q: How does a blonde make up her mind? A: She puts lipstick on her forehead. Q: Whats the differents between a blonde and a parking meter. A: The meter knows when to stop. Q: Why do blondes were green lipstick? A: Because red means stop. Q: What do airplanes and blondes have in common? A: The black box. Q: There were 4 blondes in a pick up truck and it went into the river. Why did they all drown? A: They could not get the tailgate open. Q: What is the differrence between a blonde and mosquito? A: The mosquito knows when to stop sucking. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant. Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?" Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: How do you know a blond likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row. Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk? A: She pulls down her panties and slides her butt along the floor! Q: WHY IS A BLONDE LIKE AUSTRALIA? A: They're both down under, and no one cares. Q: WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI? A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down. Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS? A: When they aren't upright, they're grand. Q: WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED? A: Who cares? Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunt'n peckers. Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter? A: They spread for the bread. Q: What do you call a blonde on a waterbed? A: Cherry Float Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125? A: a foursome. Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity? A: B.J. Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped? A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open. Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down. Q: Why do blondes wear panties? A: To keep their ankles warm. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear. Q: What do blonde virgins eat? A: Baby food. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!" Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!" Q: What's the mating call of the brunette? A1: "All the blondes have gone home!" A2: Has that blonde gone yet? A3: When is that blond bitch going to leave!? Q: What's the mating call of the redhead? A: "Next!" Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid? A: She wanted to go on a round trip. Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet? A: She thought it was diet coke. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. Q: What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons ? A: You can also sit upright in a car. Q: What's the definition of a metallurgist? A: A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore. Q: What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde? A: Vaseline and Poli-Grip. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus? A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining. Q: What is a blonde's idea of dental floss? A: Pubic hair. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A: Only one person can use the phone at once. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen. Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine? A: She peed on her corn flakes. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb! Q: How does a blonde part their hair? A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A1: She drops her nail-file! A2: Who cares? A3: She says, "Next". A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. A5: He's had his clothes off for about 2 minutes. A6: The batteries have run out. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? A: Unfertilized Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard. Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A: A know-it-all bitch. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A: One that never misses a period. Q: What does a blond say during a porno? A: There I am!! Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do. A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is horny? A: Stick your hand down her panties. If it feels like a horse eating oats, she's horny. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist? A: Marriage. Q: What's the ultimate embarassment for a blonde? A: When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector. Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy? A: A hundred dollar bill. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day? A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette. Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? A: Way to go team! Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator? A: By the chipped tooth. Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?" A: "No, I just lie there." Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. Q: Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend say id he loved her? A: She believed him. Q: Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes? A: It's called MAIDS - if the don't get one, they die. Q: Did you hear about the blond with a Masters degree in Psychology? A: She'll blow your mind, too. Q: Did you hear about the new slogan for Miss Clairol's Hair Dye? A: Buy a double batch and get a snatch to match. Q: Did you hear about the conceited blonde? A: She screams her own name when she comes. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank? A: She tied up the safe and blew the guard. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had an apendix operation? A: Well, now she is making money on the side. Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES? A: They take off their makeup. Q: Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach? A: She's afraid to get sand in her Busch. Q: Why do blondes wear tight skirts? A: To keep their legs together. Q: Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing? A: The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank? A: Her employer found out she was embezzling. Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex? A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers. A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full. Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? A: Divorced. Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole? A: Divorced. Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp? A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating? A: By the buckle print on her forehead. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead! Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? A: She has a checkbook. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done already?" The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shower? A: A shower has to be turned on to get wet. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo." Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: Not everybody has been in a limo. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. A2: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A: Lipstick. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on